


Foundering

by IdrisTardis7878



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, F/M, deep trouble 2, drunk!nell, introspective!kensi, kensi is working through some serious things, post-episode 6x01, pre-densi, talia and afghanistan are messing with her head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:57:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16877580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisTardis7878/pseuds/IdrisTardis7878
Summary: Founder - (verb) to fail or break down, typically as a result of a particular problem or setback.Set after Deep Trouble 2 (episode 6x01).





	Foundering

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on tumblr on May 31, 2015.

Kensi sighed, rubbing her hand absently across her still slightly throbbing brow as she picked up a couple of empty pint and shot glasses left over from the impromptu party the team had had in the boatshed after Sam and Callen’s rescue. She shuffled over to the area near the little fridge, leaving them in neat rows on a shelf (and hoping to God that someone else was going to volunteer to wash them) before going back to the table for more.

It had been a lingering sort of evening - the relief at having the senior partners back safe and sound had caused the entire team to be somewhat reluctant in parting from each other’s company. Finally though, Sam had mumbled something about not wanting to keep Michelle waiting any longer and he and Callen had taken their leave. 

Eric had left not long after that, but Nell had stayed. She and Deeks were currently sprawled across one of the boat shed’s low couches, conversing in soft tones while Kensi moved around the space somewhat aimlessly. It wasn’t like her to gravitate towards tidying up (she could just imagine the sarcastic comments Deeks would probably make about seeing her actually cleaning), but after the events of the day she was filled with a restless energy and just couldn’t settle.

That, and her head really  _was_ killing her - but somehow moving around helped alleviate the pain.

 _Note to self - headbutting and alcohol do **not** mix. _Her eyes flickered over to Deeks, who was leaning back into the couch cushions, laughing freely at something Nell had just said.  _But they both go pretty well with a regret chaser_ , she thought wryly, before giving herself a mental shake and attempting to snap out of the funk she felt herself slipping into.

Scooping up a few more of the glasses, she walked back towards the shelf. As she passed the seating area, she noted that Nell seemed a little tipsier than she’d initially realized. She put her second load of glassware down next to the first and was about to turn back to her friend and offer her a ride home, but before she could move she felt the warmth of a familiar presence along her back.

“I’m going to give Nell-bell a lift home, okay Kens?” Deeks murmured. Though it sounded like a question, she knew he wasn’t actually asking. It was for the best that they didn’t wind up spending the rest of the evening hanging out together, really, given the way she was feeling tonight. Aside from the persistent ache in her head, her emotions were still rather churned up from the turmoil of the day - especially where her partner was concerned. (Her inner conflict didn’t stop a cascade of goosebumps from stirring to life as his breath skimmed over her ear and the side of her neck though - she  _was_ only human, after all).

Nodding, she turned to face him. She crossed her arms, noting that he hadn’t backed up when she’d moved. Her eyes flicked up to his. “I think that’s probably a good idea. I didn’t realize she’d had so much,” she looked quickly over to Nell, who was practically dozing on the sofa now. “I was just about to head out myself.”

It was his turn to nod then, looking down at her with an expression she couldn’t quite decipher. “Yeah. I should’ve known to keep a better eye on Nell. She was the same way at the Christmas party…holding her own most of the night and then  _wham_ , she was suddenly sneaky-drunk.” His tone was a cross between fond and concerned, and it hit her suddenly that that moment he was talking about at the holidays…that was a memory she’d missed sharing with him. The ache in her chest at that realization was almost worse than anything she’d felt around Talia earlier in the day.

“Yeah, you’ve got to watch out for the quiet ones, right?” she asked, trying for a teasing tone, but pretty sure that she fell short. It’s not that she was jealous of Nell, not  _exactly_ \- she knew that there would never be a reason for her to be - it was more that it had hit her all over again just how much time she’d missed with Deeks, how many experiences they’d not been able to share over the past few months.  _There’s that regret again_ , she mused.  _That’s time that we’ll never get back._  She’d only been back at work for a short time, and while most things had resumed their regular routine, there were moments like this that highlighted the different trajectories their lives had taken over the past few months. It made for an odd sort of friction between them - not distance, not really, just a discordant sensation every time something happened to remind her that now they might not blend together as seamlessly as they once did.

She’d been pushing everything harder recently, trying to  _make_ everything be normal again - and she knew it. She’d been testing him, testing  _them_ \- not to mention overcompensating for how out of sync she’d felt with him at times. Talia’s being part of the op today hadn’t helped.  _Especially not when she’d waltzed right up to Deeks and hugged him and called him -_

“-partner? Kens? You alright?” Deeks was peering down at her, concern furrowing his brow. “You kinda zoned out on me there.”

Taking a deep breath, she nodded at him. “Yeah, no…yes,” she said, finally looking up at him and smiling faintly. “My head’s kind of bothering me,” she said. “I think I just need to go home and sleep.”

He looked even more concerned than he had a moment ago, and he stopped her before she could step around him, resting his hand lightly on her still crossed arms. “You’re  _sure_ you’re okay? D’you want me to bring you anything after I drop Nell off? Medicine or something? I could -”

“No,” she cut him off firmly, before softening her tone with a smile. “Thank you, Deeks. I just need to go home, take some Advil, and get some sleep. I’ll be fine in the morning, I promise.”

He regarded her quietly for a moment before nodding. “Okay,” he murmured. “If you say so.”

“I do,” she said. “It’s just the stress of the day taking it’s toll.”  _That’s at least partly true_ , she thought. She felt slightly guilty at not being entirely honest with him, but he did  _not_  need to know that she’d decided to deal with that stress by smacking the DEA agent in the head with her own head.  _Seriously, that was **not** one of my better ideas._

“Yeah,” he scrubbed a hand over his face, “you can say that again. It’s not the kind of day I want to repeat anytime soon.” He glanced over his shoulder to where Nell was now almost fully slumped down on the couch. It looked like she might be asleep. “Yikes…I’d better get her home.” He looked back at her, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Night, partner.”

She smiled back, though her thoughts and emotions were still whirling at an uncomfortable rate. “Night, Deeks.”

They made their way out of the boatshed, Deeks supporting a very sleepy Nell as they headed towards his car. Kensi climbed into her own, sitting for a moment and watching Deeks’ taillights disappear into the inky darkness. When she was finally fully alone, her gaze shifted forward, landing on her hands where they were gripping her steering wheel more tightly than she’d realized.

There was a faint soreness in the knuckles of her right - another source of regret as she remembered punching Deeks for, among other things, calling her beautiful. Meanwhile, she would swear that her left could still feel the phantom impressions of his fingers threaded through her own, squeezing in comfort as they’d scanned the ocean below for any sign of their teammates.

With one last deep breath, flexing her fingers around the wheel, she reached down to turn the key in the ignition. Her thoughts were still muddled, and she wished desperately that she were already home, tucked away safely in her bed. Hopefully everything would make more sense tomorrow, in the clear light of a new day.

 _Yeah, here’s hoping,_  she thought,  _but I’m not holding my breath._


End file.
